Today’s gamer question is a tough one, one that can be debated until the end of time and even then a clear answer may not be attained.
Which is more lame?
Above you see the recently introduced Sony Motion Controller. It looks like something your girlfriend or wife would use to stimulate their nether-regions; facts are facts. It is also known that the simple act of holding this horribly designed controller will reduce your testosterone and drain you of any remaining machismo.
The above video includes what has to be one of the worst ideas in sound design for a video game EVER. Whoever thought this was a good idea should go work at Infinity Ward, get fired, and be escorted out of the building under armed guard. I mean really, the warning siren in Bad Company 2 is so loud, so overbearing that it requires a volume adjustment every time it starts. Hell, it’s so bad there is a petition up on the EA boards to have it removed, a petition that now stretches 75 pages. Now, one could argue that if you don’t want to hear it then you shouldn’t lose. Valid argument. What say you?
Which is more lame? Submit your answers in the comments below!
This year’s GDC (Game Developer’s Conference) is fully underway, and Sony has finally announced an official name for their upcoming PS3 Motion Controller, previously rumored to be codenamed “Arc.”
The official name is now “PlayStation Move,” and Sony managed to show off some software during its presentation such as a sports pack tentatively titled “Sports Champions,” which included table tennis and archery among other activities. Another game pack, entitled “Move Party,” was shown off and evidently superimposes images such as swords and shields into the game based upon the movement of the PS Move controller. The software sounds very similar to some Virtual Reality technology I experienced back during E3 2009, which superimposed a sword and shield onto my hands with VR goggles.
Sony showed off two different motion controllers during the GDC presentation: the previously disclosed Move with the orb at the end, and an orb-less “sub-controller” which evidently can act like the Wii’s Nunchuck accessory. Some demonstrations included players using two orb-topped Moves – one in each hand.
The release date is still scheduled for sometime in the fall, but a price point was announced: $100 for a starter kit that includes a Move controller, the PlayStation Eye and a game. There will also be three separate bundles: the controller itself, a controller and a PlayStation Eye, and a PS3 system bundle.
Several games have been announced for Move support including Socom 4.
More details were not announced, and Sony did not unveil a specific release date.
If you happen to own a PS3 or Xbox 360 and are looking for great media-streaming software, then TVersity is a worthy option. It’s fast, stable and free, my three favorite words when it comes to media-streaming. While it doesn’t support as many formats as Java PS3 Media Server, it does benefit from having a simple design, making it more accessible for your average consumer.
TVersity has just been updated to a new beta version and with it comes some pretty cool new features.
Completely new off-screen browser, based on Google Chromium: runs out of process for increased stability and solves all the known issues with premium content (it used to occasionally fail to start on some systems).
Premium content site are now defined in an external file (osb.xml), advanced users can easily add their sites.
List of supported websites can now be updated without requiring a new release, so expect many new sites to be added and pushed to you from now on. (Advanced users should send us their additions since from time to time we overwrite your osb.xml automatically).
Update and expand YouTube support to include subscriptions, favorites and playlists by user (in addition to user video uploads which were previously supported). Also support adding YouTube content by search queries (replaces the “by tag” category which YouTube has obsoleted).
As you can see from the image above (stolen from Kotaku), Americans have apparently demanded a dumber, lazier keyboard to help facilitate this already overly persistent Internet lingo that has given us such imaginatively constructed “words” such as “TTYL” and “BRB.”
Well, luckily for consumers, Fast Finger Keyboards has debuted its official hyper-ergonomic/brain dead keyboard that switches between alphabetical and QWERTY-style layouts and contains such highly necessary everyday initialisms such as “BTW.”
[Note from the grammar ninja: "BTW" is not an acronym. To quote the immortal words of the ultimate grammar policeman, George Carlin: "An acronym is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words. MADD, DARE, NATO, and UNICEF are acronyms. FBI, CIA, and KGB are not. They're just pricks."]
Yes, thanks to Fast Finger Keyboards, now you too can kill brain cells by typing “lol” with a single keystroke. Much like the word “you,” which evidently contains two too-many letters for the majority of cell phone owners, “lol” needed to be shortened to some retarded form of “internet shorthand” (as evidenced by “u” being frequently substituted for “you”). But since that backfired, keyboard engineers simply reduced the number of keystrokes required to “lol,” increasing speed, efficiency and productivity in daily loling activities.
Not to be outdone by this stunning contribution to the further degradation of the English language, I have designed my own patented ULTIMATE PWNAGE keyboard which not only offers both alphabetical and QWERTY-style layouts, but contains a built-in infra red sensor beam (like those found on your typical high-end public toilets) that detects whether your bedroom door is being unceremoniously opened without your approval and instantly closes your porn-viewing tabs before your wife/girlfriend/mom/Aunt Bertha scares the hell out you by screaming “That’s not what nurses are supposed to do!”
Additionally, the F1 through F12 keys will support the following ergonomic features:
F1 generates a random Chuck Norris joke in every available MMORPG chat channel. F2 contains a rapid-fire turbo feature that transforms your squat/sit button into instant, high-speed teabagging controls. F3 posts a random picture of Mr. T. F4 embeds your forum signature with an ascii-based image of Wacko Jacko beating the shit out of a parked car at the end of the original 1991 Black or White music video. F5 links to this video of Steven Seagal saying “I’m going to take you to the bank, senator Trent. To the blood bank.” F6 does the Mario. F7 recites George Carlin’s seven dirty words you can’t say on television – seven times. F8 links to this video of Tommy Davidson from In Living Color spoofing Wacko Jacko beating the shit out a parked at the end of the original 1991 Black or White music video. F9 translates your sentences into Australian. F10 teaches you French with the special Groundkeeper Willie-edition of Rosetta Stone. F11 queues an audio clip of Paul Hogan to tell your Modern Warfare 2 opponents “That’s not a knife.“ F12 does nothing noticeable at first, then gives you herpes two days later.
Darwinia+ is finally available on Xbox Live Arcade after an extended development cycle of over four years. Darwinia+ was created by Introversion, one of the best independent game developers on the planet with several classic (and award-winning) PC games under their belt, including Darwinia, Multiwinia, Defcon and Uplink.
Darwinia+ gets nearly everything right on the Xbox, albeit with a few caveats. First off, the price is simply too high. I personally think 1200 points is a great value considering how much gameplay is on offer, but I’m in the position of being a self-professed Darwinia-freak and as such, have a complete understanding of the game and its concepts. This places me in the minority. Most Xbox 360 players will have never heard of Darwinia and will be quick to disregard it based on nothing more than its retro-graphics. Too bad, their loss.
A lower price-point of 800 would have made impulsive and/or exploratory purchases far more likely. At 1200, Darwinia is pricing itself away from experimentation and distancing itself from gamers who may not be able to perceive the game’s value based on the trial version. Additionally, Microsoft has been discounting a considerable number of games lately and players are well aware that a discount will hit Darwinia at some future date, so fence-sitters are prone to remain on their asses until the price comes down.
My second problem with Darwinia is the camera-scheme that kicks in when controlling a Squad. It does its best to position itself correctly, based on the elevation of nearby terrain, but it’s not what I would call perfect or some semblance of perfection. Fortunately, you can work with it and bend it towards your will by releasing control of your squad and repositioning the camera at a better angle, though it doesn’t completely resolve the problem.
True resolution of the Squad Tracking Camera issue will only be found in a patch and I see it working as such: Darwinia currently has two ways of selecting available squads/engineers, via bumper-buttons or directional-pad (left-right). You only need one scheme, so drop the bumpers for squad selection and use it for rotating the camera while the directional pad cycles through units. Problem solved. I waive my consultation fee.
While the camera is a minor problem at best and one that can be dealt with, the price is less surmountable. What you need are valid reason to buy Darwinia+, reasons that may not be entirely obvious in the limited trial version. Without further ado…
The iPhone has a pretty popular Commodore 64 emulator but what I’ve really been waiting for is a program that emulates the Amiga, my favorite computer from bygone years that was superior to all competitors…and sold like shit, thanks to typically awful Commodore marketing. Sigh. I’m not bitter, really.
Amiga was home of some of the greatest games of all time, like Peter Molyneux’s Populous and Syndicate, FTL’s Dungeon Master, EA’s Earl Weaver Baseball, and everything by Psygnosis and the Bitmap Brothers.
While it is known an Amiga emulator is imminent for iPhone, created by the same crew that made the Commodore application, what isn’t known is a list of compatible games. However, according to Carnie, the man behind the magic, they have tested several games like Ghosts ‘n Goblins, R-Type, Turrican and one the greatest shoot ‘em ups of all time, Xenon II: Megablast.
Get Speedball II working and I’ll love you long time.
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