Microsoft’s Game Room is Doomed to Fail

Microsoft made an announcement at the Consumer Electronics Show about the forthcoming spring release of Game Room, a new virtual space for players to hang out as their avatars and play classic/vintage arcade video games. Sounds fine as a basic description, but my intuition says this will be a bust.

There are several issues that will get in the way of Game Room’s success. First up we have the games themselves. Game Room wil be launching with approximately 30 titles, with a promised 1000 titles within three years. That is a ton of shit and I mean that quite literally. If you can name me 20 classic video games that actually withstand the test of time, let alone 1000, I’ll send you a virtual medal.

Then there is the pricing, an area where Microsoft really understands the fine art of screwing customers. Players can either pay $5 for a dual-license that allows for PC and Xbox 360 play, or $3 for a single platform. Finally, players can sink 40-points (50-cents) for a single play.

As someone who grew up with the dawn of video games, having played just about every classic arcade title when it was actually available at my local Shakey’s Pizza, I can honestly say the vast majority of those so-called classics sucked. Add classics from vintage home consoles like Intellivision and the Atari 2600 and you have a recipe for complete boredom.

Look, I find value in these old games as museum relics and they are worth a time-limited trip down memory lane, but the overwhelming majority are just awful by today’s standards. There are only a few games from the 70s and 80s that hold up, like Asteroids, Missile Command, Galaga, Defender, Tempest, Star Castle and a few others. As for Atari 2600 games, none will hold your interest beyond a minute or two, perhaps longer if you’re bathing in nostalgia. I mean c’mon, $5 for Sub Hunt? Sea Battle? Outlaw? Ugh.

Microsoft Game Room smacks of a way to attract impulsive consumers into spending money on something that seems cool but will ultimately lead to regret. Besides, every single one of these ancient games can be played on the PC right now, complete with rule sheets and virtual cabinets, using a well-known emulator called MAME. I assume most hardcore gamers already have MAME or had it but grew bored once the novelty wore off.

If I had been in charge of developing the Game Room, I would get rid of 99% of the vintage games, only using the true classics that have aged well, and devoted the rest of the space to new and relevant XBLA (and XNA) titles like Castle Crashers, Space Invaders Extreme, Geometry Wars, etc. This would boost sales of new wares and foster increased multiplayer competition with games people actually want to play.

Unfortunately, I’m not in charge and Microsoft is wasting resources on something that will prove itself an underutilized failure. It wasnt that long ago that Xbox 360 gamers were complaining vociferously about the abundance of crappy vintage games clogging up XBLA. MS seemed to listen and reigned in the number of releases. Now MS is back with a vengeance, eyes on your wallet, hoping you will succumb to memories and ancient passions, futilely chasing Sony’s Home scheme while ripping off Nintendo’s Mii’s, all so you’ll pony up $5 to play Adventure?

Good luck with that.